The T-Bone Games

February 20, 2006

Welcome back T-Boners. I can't get the theme song of the Olympics out of
my head, so I figured I'd devote today's columns to the Winter Games. Just
as a preview, I'll also let you in on some Olympic events I want to see.

First, let us start with Bode Miller. I was willing to overlook a lot of his
pre-Olympic comments, including those about skiing drunk and
accusations of Lance Armstrong and the possiblity of masking doping
agents. I don't agree with it, but I was willing to overlook it. Now he's
competed in 4 of his 5 events and what has he won? SQUAT... that's what!
He was a disappointing 12th in his first event. He got DQ'd in his second
event. And he didn't even finish his 3rd. Sure, the announcers went crazy
over him not falling after he got turned sideways from hitting the gate. But
not falling on something you've trained 4 years to do is like a chef not
dropping an egg before he cooks it. Ok, maybe that's a little extreme. But
still, Bode is supposed to be the best. If I screwed up and hit a gate in one
event, I'd be a little more cautious about getting that close to another one.
Who wants to bet that people only visit joinbode.com now just to see if they
can write hate e-mails to him?

Sticking with complete US Olympic asses, Shani Davis ranks in there pretty
high. This might be only the second time I actually rooted against an
American in the Olympics. The first time was Gary Hall in the 50 meter
freestyle swimming. He's so arrogant. But Shani is just a selfish prick. He
was supposed to be on the American speedskating relay, but he opted not
to so he could focus on his individual race. That's not competing for your
country, that's competing for yourself. Some people will come out and say
that he's chastised because he is black. To hell with that. Chad Hedrick is
competing in 5 individual events, so you know he wanted to rest up. But he
took one for the team despite the pressure on him to win 5 individual golds.
He won't accomplish that, but you can bet that his teammates and country
admire him for being a standup guy. We'll see how this controversy plays
out, but watch for that race card to come out. And when it does, don't be
surprised to see the Reverend Jesse Jackson step up to the plate with his
two cents.

Our US ice dancing couple of Tanin Belbin and Ben Agosto is very good.
In fact, Ben may be the stronger skater/dancer of the two. But the
announcers said it best last night when they commented that it's hard to
take your eyes off of Tanin because of how good looking she is. I agree. I
wonder if the judges get distracted by that, as well. I don't think I'm the only
one last night that also breathed a sigh of relief after they finished their
dance without hitting the ice. The announcers said that falling in ice
dancing used to be a rarity. Last night, it looked like NOT falling was the
rarity. One would think that after practicing and practicing a routine, they'd
have it down. It would just come down to the execution and difficulty of the
dance. A friend of mine jokingly pointed out that D.B. Sweeney and Moira
Kelly would take them all down easily. Well, if this were the couples skate,
then that sure would be true. Toe Pick!!!

What is Austria thinking? First they have a siting of their banned Cross
Country coach and they end up getting raided overnight. Then the coach
gets in a police chase across the Italian-Austrian border and he takes out
an abandoned cop car. These are not the headlines that anyone was
expecting from the Olympics.

I give a hats off and huge good luck wishes to Emily Hughes. First she
gets left off of the Olympic team because Michelle Kwan got a free pass to
Torino. Then Kwan bails out after a bad practice and they fly Hughes in.
I'm glad women's figure skating is late in the games so she can have a
chance to gather herself and go over her routine. I know if I had just
missed making the team, I'd have taken a break and wouldn't be practicing.
But I wish her all the best. My biggest problem is the media giving Kwan a
free pass. She made a big deal to the American Olympic Committee to let
her out of competing at the trials, ensuring that she'd be ready. Now she
makes opening ceremony and one practice session and she's done.
Perhaps I'm being a bit harsh, but this also reeks of selfishness. Hughes
didn't get to take part in the opening ceremony, something that she should
have earned by finishing second at trials. But the media wants to water
this down and milk just how good Kwan's career has been despite missing
out on every gold medal opportunity and eliminate the fact that she never
should have gone to Torino to begin with.

Johnny Weir is one weird dude. Also, it's one thing to skate like crap and
miss out on a medal opportunity. Everyone has a bad day. But don't
blame it on the bus schedule messing up your inner peace. I'm getting
angry.

What can I say about Lyndsey Jacobellis that hasn't already been said? I
was thinking of the Leon Lett thing at first, too. But Leon's celebration
didn't cost Dallas the championship, just a record. Jacobellis' folly is
unacceptable and that little bit of showboating was uncalled for. If she pulls
it off, it's the Americans being pompous asses, right? If she doesn't pull it
off, and she didn't, she looks like a goat. Race for the medal and celebrate
later. It's funny, I haven't seen that Visa check card commercial since.
Much like I didn't see the Peyton Manning Visa check card commercial
during the Pro Bowl.

The ski jumping events are insane. Those guys are sporting some "brass
ones" no matter what place they finish in.

Now that I've vented on what I've seen so far, here are some Olympic
events I'd like to see:

Snowboard Jumping - No, not that half pipe stuff. I'm talking about the
ski jump hill that they fly about 100-125 yards down. Screw the technique
scores. Whoever goes the furthest wins. No tricks are needed, just high
flying.

Figure Skating Biathalon - Pull off a triple axel and shoot a judge. Who
wouldn't want to see that?

Naked Skeleton - No sleds, just skin on ice. This way, nobody could
argue that someone has "better equipment".

Ice Boxing - They have ice dancing, so why not. If Mike Tyson were
involved, how many ankle biting incidents do you think would be reported?

Snow Tubing - They have this at several ski resorts. Basically, it's
straight downhill on an innertube. It's crazy and out of control. People
would tune into this just for the crashes. It's a ratings boom waiting to
happen.

Polar Bear Swimming - I was a member of my town's "Polar Bear Club".
Essentially, it's just jumping in and swimming in the naturally cold water. If it
were to become an event, whoever lasted the longest would win. If you
pass out due to hypothermia, you are disqualified. Maybe this should be
an X-game to start.

Ice Skating Derby - Like roller derby, just on ice. Imagine the
possibilities if Chad Hedrick and Shani Davis were both competing in this
event. That's money, I'm telling you.

That's all I've got. That was actually fun. If you enjoyed it, remind me to do
that again when the Summer Games roll around in 2 years.

Until next time, throw up a "T" for...

T-BONE!






	Leon Lett (born October 12, 1968) is a former American Football defensive tackle who played for the Dallas Cowboys (1991-2000) and the Denver Broncos (2001), after playing college ball at Emporia State University. Lett is a two-time Pro Bowler, attending the game in 1994 and 1998. Lett was a talented player and a cornerstone of the Cowboys defense during its heyday in the early 90's, but fans will likely remember him for his infamous "bonehead" plays. Two of the top three of ESPN's "25 Biggest Sport Blunders" are attributed to Lett. The fans ranked him #1 and #3, whereas an expert panel placed him at #2 and #3. The first play (ranked #1 in the ESPN fan list, #2 in the ESPN expert panel) occurred in January 1993, late in Super Bowl XXVII, when Lett recovered a fumble in the fourth quarter. With no one in front of him, he seemed to be headed for an easy touchdown on the fumble return, so he stretched his arms out in celebration as he was nearing the end zone. But a hustling Don Beebe chased him down from behind and knocked the ball out of his hand just before he crossed the goal line, sending the ball through the endzone and resulting in a touchback that cost Lett his touchdown. The Cowboys had a commanding 52-17 lead at the time, and the play did not affect the outcome of the game, but it certainly embarrassed Lett on the greatest stage in the sport and it is still well known by football fans today. Lett's gaffe also cost the Cowboys the record for most points scored in a Super Bowl (55, by the San Francisco 49ers in Super Bowl XXIV). The second play (ranked #3 in both ESPN lists) occurred during the very next season and was actually more serious as it resulted in a Cowboy defeat. On Thanksgiving Day in 1993, during a rare snow and sleet storm in Dallas, the Cowboys were leading the Miami Dolphins 14-13 with mere seconds remaining in the game. The Dolphins attempted a 41-yard field goal to take the lead but the kick was blocked. While most of his teammates began celebrating, Lett attempted to recover the ball but he slipped on the ice, fumbled, and the Miami Dolphins recovered it on the Dallas one yard line. There was no need to pick up the ball as the Cowboys would have automatically received possession and simply run out the clock. By touching the ball and then failing to hold onto it, Lett enabled the Dolphins to kick another field goal. This second attempt was successful and the Dolphins won the game 16-14. However, Dallas would still go on to win Super Bowl XXVIII. This game also involved a big play by Lett, but this time it was one that was good for his team instead of a blunder. With the Cowboys trailing 13-6, Lett forced a fumble while tackling running back Thurman Thomas on the third play of the third quarter. Dallas safety James Washington recovered the ball and returned it 46 yards for a touchdown to tie the game, and the Cowboys eventually won 30-13. Lett played 6 more seasons for the Cowboys and one year with the Broncos before retiring. In his 11 NFL seasons, Lett recorded 22 sacks and recovered 7 fumbles.



		Utah! Gimme two.