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Welcome to the column that reeks of randomness. I was watching
television this week with my girlfriend and after football on Sunday, I had to
make some TV sacrifices. I don’t get shocked by the stuff I see on Cops or
Maximum Exposure. But the shows that Kitty made me watch, those threw
me for a loop.
MTV, a cable channel that doesn’t play music anymore, has rounded up
several shows that showcase the most spoiled individuals on the planet. If
other countries are watching this, I can see where they get the impression
that all Americans are spoiled, rich, and pompous. Topping the list is a show
called My Super Sweet 16. MTV documents several girls and their
parents/friends while they plan the Sweet 16 party. First of all, what is so
important about the 16th birthday? It’s not like she’s entering womanhood.
She can’t get married until she’s 18. She can’t buy tobacco or pornography
legally until she’s 18. And she can’t buy liquor until she’s 21. So what’s the
big deal? Someone please explain this significance to me. Anyway, in the
episodes I have seen, MTV has picked the most spoiled brats I’ve ever
witnessed to follow around.
For instance, the first episode I caught was some fat chunker named
Sophie. She had no qualms about throwing the “F” word at her mom or the
party planner. When it came time to go
playing because she’d already picked out a brand new white Audi (if any car
was ugly, it was THAT one) wrapped in a bow in the showroom. Then it
came time for the party rehearsal (who rehearses for a party?). The party
was Moulin Rouge themed and Sophie’s big entrance would be after the go-
go dancers did their thing. Sophie wasn’t impressed and wanted to ditch
thedancers. Mr. Party Coordinator miraculously talked her into keeping the
dancers. Next they went to get the dress and she threw a tantrum because
there’s part of the dress that had to be specialized because her fat ass
wouldn’t fit into it otherwise. Note to readers, I am not fat prejudice. I dislike this girl
because she’s a brat and therefore I insult her at every opportunity. She got the
dress and it was party time. Her friends were every bit as bad as her. I
heard one dorky white rich kid ask where the krunk is. Most of them showed
up in limos and such. Just ridiculous for 15/16 year old kids. Sophie was in
a back room whining that she wanted to go to the party and make her
entrance. The entrance finally happened and of course she was
disappointed in it, but all her friends think it was the greatest thing since
sliced bread. During the clips of the party, I was waiting for Sophie to do the
Truffle Shuffle. MTV must have run into some copyright infringements
because I’m pretty sure it happened. The party ended and Sophie said she
would probably do it again if she could endure her mother for that long. I’d
knock her out for talking like that.
Kitty is a regular viewer of the show and she insists that this girl wasn’t even
close to being the worst one. I’ll take her word for it. We all know how I feel
about Real World. They are in Austin this season. I caught a few of the
first episodes, just for fuel for a column like this one. Melinda is a major ho,
a must for the cast formula. Wes is a total douche, but he thinks he is a
major player. Nehemiah is a Bush-hating, Africa symbol-wearing, just
missed the 60’s Black Panthers kinda guy. I’m not going into the whole
cast. I’m sure there are some good people on there, but there’s the spoiled
attitude that they carry. The one who creates the most controversy will likely
end up on the next Inferno or whatever the hell they call Real World vs
Road Rules these days. And those guys don’t have real jobs, they just win
prizes and act like jackasses for a living. I’m not saying that I blame them,
but eventually they’ll have to make room for the next generation of good
looking sluts and jerks and then what? You’ve whored yourself out for years
on TV so what kind of real job are you going to pull down? I’m rambling.
NEXT.
Bridezilla is another show I was forced to watch. I think it was on WE, which
I specifically asked DirecTV to put a block on, but they never listen.
Bridezilla documents the last few days of the bride to be before her
wedding. I hear that weddings take their toll on a couple financially and
mentally. That’s why couples go through with the weddings, even if they
believe it’s doomed by the time it comes around. Well, I don’t envy any of
the guys marrying the girls on Bridezilla. I understand how little things start
to wear on you. The cake not being perfect, flaws in a dress, DJ
reservations being lost (ok, that’s not so little). But I’ve seen girls go
Scarface on this show because there weren’t enough candles or the
wedding invitation was not the right color pink. One girl was crying at the
end of her wedding and it wasn’t tears of joy. The minister didn’t say a
particular line that he was supposed to say. She claimed she didn’t feel
married because her vows weren’t done correctly. Get over it, you are
married. One of my best friends was just married and his last name was
destroyed not once, but twice during the wedding. I’d have thought the
priest had learned his name sometime in the planning of the blessed event.
McKonkey let it roll of his shoulder and that was that. Bridezillas don’t let
things go. That wouldn’t make for good TV would it? These aren’t the
Sweet 16 girls, but when estrogen levels get really high on top of the
pressure of a wedding, grooms LOOK OUT!
This, unfortunately, is the route that reality television is starting to take. It’s
no longer games where contestants compete. At least in a game, it’s ok to
be shrewd and backstab. It’s part of winning a million dollars. But when you
act like a jackass in front of the camera and there’s nothing at stake, it’s just
showing your character. I’ll stick to Survivor, Apprentice, and The
Contender.
One last thing…..Thank you CBS for discontinuing that god-awful Dave
Matthew’s song, Stand Up, for NFL Sunday football. I was forced to watch
nothing but Fox in the meantime.
Until next time, throw up a ‘T’ for…
T-BONE!
Now to my co-anchor, Tits Maghee!
