Grandpa Jones (October 20, 1913 – February 19, 1998) was an American banjo player and "old time" country and gospel music singer.
Born Louis Marshall Jones in Niagra, Kentucky, he spent his teenage years in Akron, Ohio where he began singing old time country music tunes on a local radio show. By 1935 his pursuit of a musical career took him to WBZ (AM) radio in Boston, Massachusetts where he met musician/songwriter, Bradley Kincaid who gave him the nickname "Grandpa" due to his off- stage grumpiness at early-morning radio shows. Jones liked the name and decided to create a stage persona based around it.
Performing as "Granpa Jones," he played the banjo, yodeled, and sang mostly old-time ballads. Some of his more famous songs include, "T is for Texas" and "Mountain Dew." Moving to Nashville, Tennessee, he became part of the Grand Ole Opry and was a regular cast member on the popular TV show, Hee Haw.
Jones was one of the most popular cast members of the long-running Hee Haw. A favorite skit had cast members asking "Hey Grandpa, what's for supper?" to which he'd either describe either a delicious, country-style meal ("Buttermilk buiscuts smothered in chicken gravy, home-fried potatoes, collard greens and Grandmother's fresh- baked blueberry pie a la mode!" and the cast would reply, "Yum, yum!") or, more often than not, something terrible ("Because you were bad, thawed out TV dinners!" at which the cast would scoff, "Yuk!"). Jones also joined castmates Buck Owens, Roy Clark and Kenny Price with a gospel segment at the end of each Hee Haw show.
In 1978 Grandpa Jones was inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame.
In January of 1998, he suffered a stroke after a performance and passed away a few weeks later. He is interred in the Luton Memorial Methodist Church cemetery in Nashville.
In the United States, Sharpie is a line of permanent markers manufactured by the Sanford company. It is prized for its ability to write a clear, well-defined, non-smudging, durable line on glossy surfaces. While Sharpie is a brand name, its widespread use has resulted in the use of "sharpie" as a term describing any permanent marker that works on glossy surfaces.
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You know, people tell me I kinda look like Han Solo.
Man of My Word
January 13, 2006
On New Year's Eve, I received 4 phone calls in 3 minutes just after midnight, all from the same individual. This friend of mine has a tendency to leave several messages telling what a piece of crap I am for not answering his phone calls. Now, if I wasn't available to take the first one, I'm not sure that my availability changed twenty seconds later.
When it came time to finally get back in touch with McKonkey, he was apparently returning the favor by not answering my call. So I did what any true friend would do in my position and I flooded his cell phone inbox with over 45 minutes of messages. This may seem like to big deal, but I know that his voice mail is the kind that you must listen to the entire message in order to delete it. Needless to say, this did not please my friend.
What did I talk about? Oh, I talked about everything on my mind and then some. I made some references to his wife, his mom, and his sister. But most importantly, I made a threat that if he didn't pick up my next phone call, I would write a column about his most memorable (for his friends at least) drunken/stupid moments. Needless to say, he did not pick up my next call.
The Recruiting Trip - Let me set the stage first. I was a freshman at the time and still pretty new to the block, despite the first season being over. It was recruiting season, and that means we bring in high school seniors who may be interested in the program and show them a good time. The first time I saw McKonkey, it was at 5:30 am in the weight room. Coach Pitt strolled in with a tall, skinny kid who looked a bit goofy to me. I introduced myself and he seemed nice enough. I ended up offering to show him around while his host was in classes later on the afternoon. We ended up going to the activity center where I crushed him in a game of Bill Lambier style basketball. T-Bone got game! That night, we were to attend a birthday party for one of our girl teammates.
When we pulled up to Smoker's Paradise to get some "spirits" for the night, McKonkey requested that we purchase a bottle of 151 for him. For those of you unfamiliar with 151, this is 151 proof rum. That means that this drink is 75% alcohol. It is flamable. It should not be consumed, yet this is what he requested. I begged him to change his mind, as did a few other teammates. But to no avail, as the teammate who was of age to buy went ahead and bought it not thinking of the consequences. As soon as we got to the party, he broke out the 151 and mixed it with some of the Sprite he had purchased as well. I'm not gonna drag this part out, but eventually the Sprite ran dry. So he had nothing left to mix it with. Already feeling the effects, he was feeling bold enough to drink it straight. I swear we weren't at the party for an hour and I turned around and saw him with the bottle up in the air and him drinking straight from it. This is where I knew we were screwed.
About 30 minutes later, I saw 2 of my teammates carrying him down the stairs and dropping him into the van. They carted him back to the dormitory to help him get a bit out of his system. I got back to my dorm where I got a call asking "What did you do to this recruit man!?!" Panicking, I drove over to the hosts dorm and found McKonkey sitting in the shower fully clothed. I had brought a loaf of bread with me to help soak up some of the alcohol in his system. He sat in the shower with cold water pouring down on him eating bread, yet none of us were laughing. He tried to stand up and ended up headbutting the temperature control handle in the shower. So now he's bleeding too.
The host's suite mate heard the commotion and ended up making McKonkey some Instant Coffee, but made it double strong. McKonkey takes one big sip, and immediately coffee grinds start pouring from his mouth as he says "I don't really like coffee that much." This is one of the funniest visuals I have today. Eventually, we got him well enough to where we knew we wouldn't need to take him to the doctor or anything. But the next morning would be hell for him.
First, he can't find his clothes that he wore that night. That would be because he ripped them off of his body when we pulled him out of the shower. In truth, they were probably ruined anyway because of the smells he unleashed on them during the night. Next, his head feels like he's been hit by a train and he's got an appointment to meet with our swim coach to talk about joining our program next year. We told him it was cool because the coach knew we'd let him party that night. But he was a bit paranoid about that. It ended up being ok, but the next part was the worst part. His mom and step dad had driven him on the recruiting trip. They were to visit Hendrix University, in Arkadelphia, Arkansas the following day. So that meant another day in the car with his mom and step dad. And if you thought he had even a remote chance to conceal the fact that he had drank enough to get an elephant pissy drunk, think again. They are cops.
So we bid McKonkey fairwell and figured he'd never show up again. It was a shame because he seemed like a nice kid. However, the first day we showed up for swim practice the next season, I nearly fell to the floor in shock. He actually signed. He said after partying like that and having guys like us take care of him, he knew he'd found a winner. If only he knew how we'd take care of him the next few times he pulled anything even close to that...
The Banjo Incident - The night had started innocently enough as the ULM swim team was hosting a dance for some age group swimmers in town for a local swim meet. Well, a few of the ULM members couldn't resist the urge to get a head start on the nights drinking, which prompted our coach to send ALL of us home. So, in order to play a little "catch up" to some of our teammates, McKonkey gathered up his bottle of Chivas scotch that his dad had bestowed upon him for Christmas. After a few hours of drinking games, my friend had knocked down at least 5 glasses of scotch and I'd guess about 10 beers. McKonkey is not much on hard liquor, so we were in for quite a treat.
At some point in the night, he propped himself up, leaning against the couch. That couch was about the only thing keeping him from slamming onto the floor. This is when he proceeded to tell us "Hey! I can play the banjo!" At that point, he started doing an air banjo. Words cannot describe how hilarious this was. Then, he let us know that he could also play it left-handed. So he went on to do dueling banjos with each hand, the whole time slurring the notes. Not five minutes later, he was passed out on the couch.
One would think the night was over for our musical master. It wasn't. We realized he was passed out dead after contorting his body in several ways and screaming into his ear several times without even a budge. And you must also realize that there is a rule: He who passes out first must be screwed with! Well, by far, he was the first. So we broke out our trusty Sharpie. But wanting to make it more original this time, I pulled out a few bottles of Liquid Paper. We would make McKonkey half white, half black. After doing a complete face job, we decided his body needed some writing as well. I won't go into the details of what we wrote, because his wife may read this and be mad. But it was good stuff. I ended up going to bed, making sure I locked my door for when he realized what I had done (he would have suspected me first).
The next morning, I woke up and McKonkey was gone and I saw some Sharpie residue in the shower. So apparently he had gotten up and taken a shower upon realization of our prank. Not so. He actually climbed into the shower at like 4 in the morning at realizing he had the stuff on his arms and hands. He woke up later, went home, and went back to sleep. My roommate, Bro, and I went over to his place to visit him later that afternoon and fell to the floor laughing. One side of his face was beat read from scrubbing and he still had Liquid Paper in his ear, eyelashes, and hair. He told us that when he first woke up, he couldn't even open his left eye because the Liquid Paper had crusted his eye shut. He walked around campus for about 3 days before the white was completely out of his hair.
Jody - This is a name that is forbidden. And it's really not that bad, I only mention it because it embarrasses the hell of out him. We had teased McKonkey about having ZERO game the entire time he was a freshman. He talked a big game, saying how much of a stud he was back in Houston. But we didn't see any of that over in Monroe. One night, after a little bit of partying, girl friend brought some of her friends over. McKonkey, I believe/hope, had a little too much in his systems and took a liking to one of the not-so-good-looking friends. Her name: Jody. The party migrated to another house and at the end of the night, you'd think that Jody and his mouth both contained oppositely charged magnets. Nothing past that happened, as I think she "tossed her cookies" in the front yard upon exiting the party. He STILL tried to get another kiss before the end of the night, but his true friends finally put the kabosh on any more action for the night. The next day upon seeing a picture of her, he announced that the name Jody was forbidden and begged us to never invite her to another party. He dodged her on campus every time he saw her, which is hilarious because of how small our campus is. And to be fair, before he rebuts this story, I played my own role that night as well. But I'm sticking to my guns that I was only playing wingman so we'd have something to make fun of him for.
Those are the best 3 stories on him. Trust me, there are many many many more. They are all just generic in nature. He was the recipient of our rule of being the first to pass out gets messed with probably 80% of the time. Pictures will leak out at some time. Bro has them all compiled somewhere.
Until next time, answer your cell phone when you get a call from.....
T-BONE!
The Bone Pile
Bacardi 151, or "151" as it is sometimes called, is an extremely high-proof rum, as evidenced by its name. The liquor itself is approximately of 75.5% alcohol by volume. This is sometimes referred to as "overproof rum" for its excessive levels of alcohol.
Like all beverages of this proof, consuming the rum by itself- "straight", is highly discouraged. As such, the rum is usually used in small amounts when making cocktails. An infamous drink, as it is banned in many townships and ordinances, is the "Flaming Dr. Pepper", which supposedly tastes identical to Dr. Pepper despite being comprised entirely of liquor. The drink is very dangerous, as it involves blowing a fireball over a row of shotglasses, and has thus been banned in many bars and restaurants.
