March 1, 2006 I’m usually against part 2s as a rule, and at first I didn’t even consider doing a second Lame List. However, I got such a good response after the first incarnation (comment most often heard: “You Suck! The Boondock Saints is awesome!”) that I decided to shed more light on that which is dreadful and that I didn’t get around to the first time. But don’t consider this a sequel – think of it as a continuation. And I promise I will not sell out nor ask for a bigger budget. Remember, you won’t agree with everything on here. Hopefully it won’t hit too close to home for you. And you may want to read the first Lame List if you haven’t already, because the same rules apply. Bring on the cheese. 1.  George Clooney. 2.  Simone, starring Al Pacino. I still can’t believe he signed on for this. 3.  Smug rich people telling other smug rich people about their family ski trips. And    no, I don’t hate rich people. 4.  Louisiana Tech people who won’t give ULM their due on ANYTHING. To hear them    talk, you’d think Tech was Shangri-La and ULM was an overturned port-o-potty, door    side down. I can’t wait until they’re begging us to play them in football (and it’s gonna    happen some day, believe me). 5.  Comedians who take themselves seriously as political commentators. That means    you, Al Franken. But you aren’t alone. 6.  Yuppie behavior. 7.  Being a fan of the Yankees, the Lakers, the Cowboys,    Notre Dame and Duke. Notice I said “and” not “or”. I    love Notre Dame, like Duke, don’t mind the Cowboys,    hate the Yankees and despise the Lakers. It’s okay to    like two, maybe three of these teams, but only one can    be your favorite in its respective sport and if you root    for all five you need to seriously reevaluate things. 8.  Here’s Your Sign. 9.  Thinking The Spy Who Shagged Me was better than the original Austin Powers    movie. 10.  Thinking Mallrats was better than Clerks. 11.  Buttoning the top button when you aren’t wearing a tie. 12.  Large packs of hyperactive teenagers. 13.  Jay Mohr. How many chances is he going to get to succeed?    Let’s see, he failed on Saturday Night Live, Action, Mohr Sports,    Last Comic Standing, and every movie and commercial he’s    starred in. Yet this guy is considered good because of Jerry    Maguire and his Christopher Walken impression. He’s like a    crappy Dennis Miller.  Life isn’t fair. 14.  Michael Jordan playing for the Wizards, which to me was more embarrassing than    him playing baseball. That was like Bono joining Jethro Tull. 15.  Quizno’s Baby Bob ad campaign. 16.  The feminist movement. 17.  The songs from Rent. The ones I’ve heard on the previews, anyway, as I wouldn't    see Rent if I was being paid twice the admission, taking Salma Hayek as she    appeared in From Dusk Till Dawn, picking her up in the General Lee, and following    the show with an autograph session featuring Larry Bird and John Elway.        Okay, that was probably a lie. 18.  When the mountain lions were threatening Kim in season two of 24. 19.  People who still make a big deal out of Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and the Olsen    Twins. There was a time when this was acceptable, but that time has passed.    They’ve lost their hotness. And it’s not coming back. Let’s move on. 20.  When the crazy villain uses childspeak (ex – De Niro in Cape Fear, Denzel singing    nursery rhymes while shooting at Ethan Hawke in Training Day, the Green Goblin    during the bridge scene in Spiderman). 21.  Pepsi. 22.  The Polar Express. 23.  Claiming you do anything involving motor skills better when you’re drunk. 24.  Anytime a falling star poses for Playboy and afterwards she says the naked photos    of her were “tastefully done”. 25.  Duckie from Pretty in Pink. I didn’t finish this movie    for one reason – because Duckie was such a loser.    One of few 80’s classics that I don’t unabashedly enjoy. 26.  Anybody who likes Matchbox Twenty. 27.  GoBots. 28.  Bryant Gumbel. 29.  My truck. 30.  Harrison Ford’s earring. 31.  Couey’s joke about Drouzon Quillen in the first installment of Rockpile News. If this    list were in order of lameness, that would be in the top 5. 32.  Clothing that features Scarface. Yet another reason why I think hip hop sucks. 33.  D.L. Hughley, Tommy Davidson, Martin Lawrence, Eddie Griffin, Arsenio Hall, Bill    Bellamy, and anyone famous named “Wayans”. And no, I don’t hate black people. 34.  Albert Brooks, Paul Reiser, Gary Shandling, Richard Lewis, David Brenner, Gilbert    Gottfried, and Bob Saget. And no, I don’t hate Jewish people. 35.  The songs they used in Lord of War. Guys, when cocaine makes its first    appearance, it’s way too obvious to play “Cocaine”. Same goes when you’re talking    about money and you play that song about the birds and bees. 36.  The guy who tried to extort the New England Patriots for the Doug Flutie dropkick    ball. 37.  The time WCW actually allowed David Arquette    (yes, that David Arquette) to win the World    Championship belt. For a further explanation    since I’d stopped watching WCW by that point,    consult another columnist on this website. 38.  People who still enjoy making fun of Vanilla Ice. I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve it,    but what can be said about him that hasn’t been said already? At least he didn’t blow    $33 million. 39.  Saying you watch the Super Bowl “for the commercials”. 40.  Whipped husbands who can’t make even the most trivial financial decisions (I’m    talking under ten dollars) without consulting their wives. 41.  Robin Williams. And I’m not sure why more people don’t feel the same way. 42.  Peter Vecsey. He covers the NBA for the New York Post. If you don’t know who he is,    I can’t do his level of sucktitude justice here; if you do know who he is, you’re    nodding in agreement right now. 43.  KISS from the time they took the    makeup off in 1983 until they    redeemed themselves with the    “Revenge” album in 1992. 44.  That woman in one particular Niagara Falls hotel who talked to me like I was mentally    retarded because of my southern accent. All I did was ask where the mailbox was    and she acted like she wanted to draw me a map. The worst part was the way she    smiled at me for a moment before she directed me, like she was thinking “Oh, how    sweet, this one’s special.” 45.  Walter Mondale using “Where’s the Beef?” as    his campaign slogan in the presidential election    of 1984. 46.  Nuts who think fishing is cruel. 47.  “80s Ladies” by K.T. Oslin. 48.  Any time in a movie, TV show or commercial when somebody faints because they are    so shocked about something. Has this ever happened in real life? The gratuitous    faint is the writers’ way of saying “We can’t figure out how to end this, and we cast    actors of limited emotional range”. 49.  Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. The basketball player, not the actor. 50.  The Boondock Saints…more than ever.                                                                                     Anthony Elms                                                                                       Contact Me

Alan Stuart Franken (born May 21, 1951) is an American humorist, satirist, comedian, author, screenwriter, political commentator, and radio host, noted for his liberal politics. Franken was with Tom Davis part of the comedy duo "Franken & Davis", which wrote for and performed for NBC's Saturday Night Live. Franken was born in New York City into a Jewish family, and grew up in St. Louis Park, Minnesota in suburban Minneapolis. He graduated from The Blake School in 1969, where he was on the school wrestling team. He attended Harvard University and graduated cum laude in 1973 with a Bachelor of Arts in political science. He and his wife, Franni Franken, have a son, Joe, and daughter, Thomasin. Joe attends Princeton University and Thomasin is a public school teacher in New York City, with a degree from Harvard University. The Frankens currently reside in New York City but they are in the process of moving to Minneapolis. Franken had been a strong supporter of Democratic Senator Paul Wellstone, who was killed shortly before the 2002 election in a plane crash. Franken announced in November 2003 that he was considering moving back to Minnesota, his home state, in order to run for the Senate seat held by Wellstone's successor Norm Coleman in the 2008 election. On April 28, 2005, Salon.com reported that Franken, who had previously promised that if he was to run for office he would move to Minnesota and broadcast from the Twin Cities, was doing just that. "I can tell you honestly, I don't know if I'm going to run, but I'm doing the stuff I need to do, in order to do it," Franken said. [2] He has said that he would run as a Democrat, stating that "Democrats care so much more for the poor than Republicans do". He talked about his political aspirations when he went on The Daily Show on October 25, 2005, to promote his book, The Truth (with jokes). He said, if he chose to run, he would run on a platform of universal health coverage and expanding alternative energy. He claimed that he would not be able to decide if he ran for senate until 2007, stating that he has written this in a chapter of his new book. On January 3, 2006, the Al Franken Show aired its first show from Minneapolis, Minnesota. In late 2005, Franken started his own political action committee called Midwest Values PAC. In more than two months, the PAC raised nearly $170,000.